sammich man
“I AM mad! They’re making me feel bad that I can’t make everyone a sandwich!” - Carlos the Alchemist, on Monday lunches & sandwiches
April 2013
7 posts
“I want to be a man.”
—Onna-bugeisha Li, while studying physiology
“Women are complicated.”
—Onna-bugeisha Li
“Where are you going with that chopfork?”
—Peasant Lee, as Merchant Liu exits the house with a butter knife in hand, Cee Dynasty, 900 BC
Don’t you dare instagram that.
—Carlos the Alchemist, Cee Dynasty 900 BC
How to respond to insults of the lingerie variety
- Peasant Lee: You know what I mean, bruh?
- Ho Lai Shi: Yeah brah.
- Peasant Lee: It's not brah, it's bruh. There's a difference!
- Ho Lai Shi: Yeah bra.
- Peasant Lee: Don't call me a bra. You need a bra, you manboob!
Korean television shows are srs business
- Peasant Lee: If you tell me who got eliminated on Kpop Star, I'm going to stick this banana up your butt.
March 2013
6 posts
We're polyglots. But actually.
- Ho Lai Shi: I have a big french paper due on Thursday :(
- Viscountess Kwok: un largo français papier
- Merchant Lee: *grand
- Viscountess Kwok: uno? une?
- Ho Lai Shi: largo n'est pas un mot francais...
- Viscountess Kwok: je deteste le français correcteurs
- Merchant Lee: C'est italiano
- Viscountess Kwok: le correcteurs de francais*
- Ho Lai Shi: mais tu es un homme.
- Viscountess Kwok: non, tu madre es italiano
- Ho Lai Shi: JAJAJA ME GUSTA CARLOS [THE ALCHEMIST]
- Merchant Lee: 我是中国人！
- Ho Lai Shi: lei de geuk hai ho wut dut
How do you pronounce 'Hors D'Oeuvres'?
- The category for Scattergories is "Hors D'oeuvres".
- Peasant Lee: What the heck are HORS DEVORS?!
A new way to respond to compliments of the exothermic kind
HO LAO SHI:
Merchant Lee, you’re hot.
MERCHANT LEE:
I know. Feel me.
a penny for the alchemist's thoughts
CARLOS THE ALCHEMIST:
(*pensively)
“you know, I was just looking at male genitalia earlier today..”
— wings with Carlos the Alchemist, Cee Dynasty 900 BC
gas and girls
PEASANT LEE:
I said music was okay, just no sports and no gas.
And she just has to hold it in until she’s 60.
HO LAO SHI:
I hope radical feminists come fart on your face.
—Peasant Lee and Ho Lao Shi on getting girls, Cee Dynasty 900 BC
#throwbacktuesdays #firstyearrealtalks
“I just like feeling the air on my skin! I wouldn’t mind wearing more clothes if I could feel more air!”
—Merchant Lee on living with a free spirit, Cee Dynasty 900 BC
February 2013
8 posts
Khana the Indian
Marcus: “Mom, you also met Carlos too.”
Marcus’s mom: “..Khana?
Marcus: “.. what? No, I said Carlos”
Marcus’s mom: “..was he Indian?”
A conversation between Peasant Lee and his mother
Whilst having dinner in Colborne Village Commons
Cee Dynasty, 900 BC
“I hate it when people are happy.”
—Viscountess Kwok, after seeing children gleefully eating candy
“It smelled like baked goods in washroom, maybe somebody pooped out cupcakes or something.”
—Peasant Lee, The Arc,
Cee Dynasty 900 BC
Cee Dynasty 900 BC
“Remove your clothes! Remove your clothes in the living room!”
—Peasant Lee, Colborne Village Commons, Cee Dynasty 900 BC
Calm but strong with merchant lee
#NowPlaying on @8tracks: “compass.” at http://8tracks.com/silfaerokai/compass - Sent from the 8tracks Android app
- Empress Consort Ho: look at you drinking tea out of your hipster jar...
- Merchant Lee: it's because I don't have mugs!
- Empress Consort Ho: You do know that mugs are like a dollar at the dollar store right?
- Merchant Lee: Yeah, but why would I spend a dollar on a mug when I can just get a jar from my closet for free?
- Empress Consort Ho: why do you even have jars in your closet?!
